29 Things Parents Can Pick on Besides Transgender Kids Playing Sports

“Utah Legislature overrides Gov. Cox’s veto of transgender athletes sports ban” — Salt Lake Tribune

1. Guitar chords to strum a song about the woes of parenting during a pandemic.

2. Drivers who pick their noses at red lights and think no one can see them.

3. Humans over the age of seven who wear their masks below their noses.

4. Humans over the age of seven and under the age of 87 who wear Velcro shoes.

5. People who sing the song, “why is everybody always pickin’ on me?” with a deep, Southern accent.

6. People who say their proverbial feces doesn’t stink (or newborn feces — that is a bald-faced lie).

7. Putin.

8. All who oppose maintaining Daylight Savings Time.

9. People who claim to care about others but then vote consistently against their equal rights.

10. Litterers.

11. People who drive under the speed limit.

12. Pigeons who pick on other pigeons.

13. Factory farming.

14. Vegans who swear it tastes like the real thing.

15. Husbands who want a pat on the back for taking the garbage out.

16. Scabs.

17. Anyone who denies transgender people gender-affirming healthcare that has been deemed medically necessary by every major medical association in the country (and some in other countries, too) or equal access to youth athletics when there is zero evidence that it causes any outcome aside from teaching acceptance and inclusion to all our children and reducing the depression and suicide rates of our trans children.

18. A new pronunciation for “Picayune” which sounds like “pick on” but has an alarming number of vowels in a row.

19. Ripe berries (strawberry season is nearly upon us!).

20. Rich people who wear pastel polos from Vineyard Vines that cost as much as a month’s rent in roughly six dozen countries.

21. Parents who think they don’t have to parent their children in public because odds are someone will catch them if they walk out into traffic.

22. Bamboo to feed baby pandas.

23. Somebody their own size.

24. The grays out of their hair.

25. New drapes to replace the ones your toddler used generously to wipe their face while eating apple sauce.

26. New agendas that don’t involve exploiting marginalized communities in so-called culture wars when there are roughly 183,034 more urgent issues to focus on.

27. Their noses.

28. The umpire’s bad call rather than the innocent kid who just wants to play.

29. Jerks who pick on transgender kids.

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